7th July 2008

Look beyond the tranquil scene of the gently buzzing lawnmower and the delicate snipping of the secateurs and you’ll see a silent battle of the sexes being waged across the nation’s gardens.

Far from being a bed of roses, gardening is causing a great divide between couples up and down the country, according to a survey by The National Gardens Scheme. Almost half of those questioned (45 per cent) blame the problem on men and women’s very different gardening styles, with 78 per cent of these saying that this has caused friction or led to arguments.

Generally, men seem to prefer formal gardens, with straight paths and tidy edges (65 per cent) while women like to create more romantic spaces with winding paths and informal planting (96 per cent). Women prefer to grow flowers (84 per cent), whereas the lawn seems to be the men’s favourite domain (30 per cent).

Fifty-four percent of those surveyed try to avoid conflict by having their own special areas where they can show off their individual style. But woe betide the partner who oversteps their boundary, as a third of respondents (33 per cent) do not allow their other half to trespass!

However, this does not always stop the problem, with more than one in ten respondents admitting that they have tried to secretly “steal” a slice of their partner’s area (by, for example, making borders wider to “pinch” some of the lawn) – only to find it is later “grabbed” back elsewhere. One in ten have even resorted to trying to ‘kill off’ one of their partner’s plants. Favourite tactics are pruning a little too firmly or planting a very large plant too near. Women are the worst culprits with 57 per cent of respondents who admitted to sabotage being female.

The survey also found that while Alan Titchmarsh, Monty Don and Joe Swift may dominate the TV gardening programmes, it’s the women who are the real boss and “plants person” in the garden, although the men still look after the DIY jobs and, of course, their last refuge, the garden shed.

Julia Grant, Chief Executive of The National Gardens Scheme, comments:

“The phrase Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus seems appropriate here. Of course, this sort of creative tension can produce wonderful results, famously in the case of Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson at Sissinghurst, in Kent. He laid down the lines and design of the garden, while Vita worked as an ‘artist-gardener.’ Together they created one of the country’s most spectacular gardens.”

And all this rivalry is in a very good cause. The NGS opens 3,600 gardens to the public (most of them private) raising around £2 million a year for Macmillan Cancer Support, Marie Curie Cancer Care, Help the Hospices, Crossroads – Caring for Carers and other charities. It is gearing up for its busiest weekend of the year with nearly 270 garden openings.

John and Valerie Collins, who will be opening their garden in Thrumpton, Nottinghamshire, for the first time with the NGS this weekend have split their garden in two with their house as the boundary line. Valerie, who looks after the back garden, says: “People used to ask me what John had planned for the front but I didn’t know because he didn’t tell me. I’m allowed into John’s garden so rarely that when I was weeding there one day, a local farmer who spotted me insisted I was trespassing! We don’t share any plants, apart from an ornamental grass – and I stole that from him anyway.”

Valerie Woolcott, who also opens her garden in Buckland Stead, Hampshire, with the NGS, says, “My husband and I have never seen eye-to-eye garden wise and have very different gardening styles. We describe our plot as two gardens in one: His and Hers divided by a neutral zone.”

Garden designer and NGS opener Helen Riches, from Essex, comments: “I often notice the phenomena of male female gender divide in gardens and in my experience the lawn is the biggest bone of contention. Often when the woman leaves the room to make the tea, the man will lean over and say conspiratorially, ‘You won’t make the lawn any smaller, will you?’

“When I ask my husband why the plant ‘grass’ is better than any other plant species, he says it is the pleasure he gets from cutting it that is important to him – he likes to count the number of loads he gets to dump on the grass compost heap each mowing! Despite my qualifications as a garden designer and writer, he still sulks for several days each time I ‘steal’ a bit of lawn to make into a planting area.”

Founded in 1927, the NGS has raised £42 million for charity since its launch, £23 million in the last 10 years alone.

Whatever the horticultural balance of power, you can be sure that you will see some fabulous examples of all types of planting by visiting one of the gardens in the NGS’s famous Yellow Book. Garden opening times and prices can also be found on www.ngs.org.uk.

If you like the sound of the gardens mentioned above, why not pay them a visit?

Buckland Stead, Sway Road, nr Lymington, Hampshire. Valerie and John Woolcott’s ‘his’ and ‘hers’ gardens, with ‘his’ consisting of a formal rose garden with lavender edging and ‘hers’ less formal with winding paths, archways and water features. Open 18 June; 2, 16 July; 6, 20 August (2pm – 5pm). Admission £2.50, children free. Visitors also welcome by appointment.

90 Debden Road, Safron Walden. A beautiful, atmospheric, tranquil town garden which is full of surprises, designed and maintained by Helen Riches. Open 10,14 and 17 Sept (10am -5pm), Visitors also welcome by appointment weekdays only. Admission £3, children free.

59 Church Lane, Thrumpton, Nottingham. Valerie and John Collins garden, with two different styles. Overflowing with herbaceous perennials, shrubs and trees. Unusual gravel front garden with waterfall and pond. Open Sun 8th June (2pm -6pm). Combined admission with 54 Church Lane, £2.50, children free. Visitors welcome by appointment.

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